How to Solve the Mommy Guilt

You’re a working mother…

One of the hardest things in the world is to leave your baby in the care of someone else and return to work. You experience the pull between home and work. You feel stretched between these two important spaces, like your head is at work but your heart is at home.

We all have an idea of what kind of mom we would like to be, of what being a parent of a little being will be like and yet when we add the ‘going back to work’ component, many moms struggle to live up to what they think is a great mom. And the guilt sets in.

3 MAIN PROBLEMS

1. First, you are concerned about what is happening at home when you aren’t there. Is your baby being played with? Are they happy? Are they stimulated? Is there structure to their day? You don’t have time to research what they should be doing, what your child’s milestones should be, prepare activities and show your nanny how to do the activities. You don’t even know what toys to buy or what is age- appropriate.
2. Secondly your deepest desire is to connect with your child when you are there. How do you make sure that you’re present and able to switch off from work? What are easy activities to do with your little one at the end of the day when you’re tired, in the small window of playtime before the supper and bedtime routine? When you look on social media for ideas there’s so much information to sift through and everyone else’s playtimes look so perfect. The precious moments that everyone tells you about go by so fast and you feel that you are missing out.
3. Thirdly you feel overwhelmed by the household management - the seemingly endless tasks like making meals and keeping the house tidy. Just the thinking behind all those tasks and making sure the nanny has what baby needs is exhausting. Your relationship with your nanny is one more thing to manage and you don’t know how. Are you legally compliant? What about contracts? How do you communicate better or give your nanny constructive criticism? Is she happy in her job?

This culminates in a pervasive feeling…MOMMY GUILT! This is the sense that you are never doing enough, not doing the right things or doing things that could do damage to your child. Even if you feel you’ve compartmentalized home and work, you still feel guilty for that, one mom recently told me. Or looking forward to Mondays – yip, guilty for that too!

3 SOLUTIONS

At Nanny ‘n Me we see the following:

1. Firstly, hiring a good nanny and having confidence in your nanny’s care. You will know your child is thriving through top quality one on one care by your inspired Nanny. You’ll rest assured that your child is stimulated and socialised in their earliest, most influential years.
2. Secondly, you’ll be present and prepared to play with your child in just fifteen minutes a day. You will feel connected in the time that you have and able to access your own great playmate qualities.
3. Thirdly you will realise your responsibility as an employer of a nanny. You’ll be on top of all the compliance issues, have better communication and a great relationship with her. You will function as a team when it comes to managing the household. She will have greater job satisfaction which means she will be more productive and invested in her work.

So working mom, let us come alongside you so that you can define for yourself what a great mom is and design your life and childcare around that definition. You will gain more confidence in your decision or need to work; you will be present when you are at home and connect with your child and you will see how investing in your nanny is a way of empowering another working mom and positively impacting her family. You will gain clarity in your role as an employer and work as a team with your nanny. Everyone wins!